Moon
Sliding through the night
Guided by the beautiful light
The moon
I’m humming a tune
I’m at peace
Just walking alone
Barefoot in the twilight
I’m able to escape my life.
I’m feeling comforted in the streetlight
It’s a wonderful night
I don’t have a destination
Just walking, wandering
Trusting my guide.
The moon.
Have an urge to run
I come to a hill
I stop running and stand still.
Laying down
Staring at the stars and
The moon.
Glowing that calming light
On my face
I drift off into a dream.
I am suddenly flying
There’s nothing that I am not defying
I look around,
I see the hill
Me sleeping still
My city I call my home
I’m finally free to roam
I keep drifting upwards toward my best friend
The moon.
Spring 2007
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2 comments:
I have read all six of your new posts and they are all really spectacular. I am only going to comment here though.
The moon one has very good imagery. I picture you actually walking around at night.
Your other poems are really reflective of the changes you are going through in your life. Not to worry, everyone goes through changes. If we didn't, no one would get wiser. No one would have a perspective with which to make an informed decision on. Change is the only constant.
Your sister looks like she will be as good of a writer as you. I like her rhymes with spring and winter. They made me smile.
Chloe,
Last night, I told you I had posted a comment to this poem. I must have clicked on the wrong button, because it is not here. Anyway here is my response to your poem, "Moon."
I think this is a very good and strong piece of writing. It feels to me like a painting with words, describing what it is like to be in a state of 'being' rather than 'doing'. I like the flow of the phrasing. It is lyrical. Your poem primarily takes me to a place rather than in to a dialogue about ideas. I love the transition in the last verse.
"I am suddenly flying
There's nothing that I am not defying."
The more I reflect on this poem the more themes I see in it-- a journey into solitude supported by mystical companionship,how inner peace can lead to outer strength.
Grammar note: I think it should be 'lying' not 'laying.'
Style note: I would suggest dropping the periods in this poem except at the end of each verse.
Also, I think you could improve the flow of these two lines:
"Glowing that calming light
On my face"
by changing them to:
"Her calming light
Glowing on my face"
-Dad
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